Return of the Yawn

How many Oscars can "Return of the King" win tonight? (Eleven, you say. Details, I say.) It'd be nice if there was a bit more tension tonight.

And all these tributes . . . they keep colliding with the book I'm reading for class now, and I keep thinking of worms. It's a much more unpleasant equalizer than the thought of everyone in their underwear.

My stomach is upset.