Lace Ripping

I'm in the middle of ripping the lace off of my graduation dress, and I realized it was nearing midnight and if I wanted to get an entry in today I needed to start typing now.

Ripping out the lace is less complicated than I expected. It was machine-stitched on, so the stitches are nearly microscopic. I figured I wouldn't be able to get the seam ripper under them. To complicate things further, the dress is made of fine silk, which is very susceptible to ripping. However, I got into a groove after I got past the hem, and it came off fairly easily. The only problem is that the stiches are so small and close together that I'm practically going cross-eyed.

I thought I was going to write something long tonight, but alas, I've waited to long and I've lost inspiration. I will include what I wrote in my notebook in the wee hours of the morning, though. But I warn you, it's not pleasant. I couldn't sleep because of all the bad feelings swirling around inside of me, and I used the book as a way to release those emotions.

Earlier: I am miserable.

This summer has dragged on far too long, and I just can't take it anymore. I am bored out of my mind, and work doesn't help. The time there crawls. I come home achy and tired and dreading the next time I have to go back.

I feel lonely. My house is like a factory; life here is all about getting things done. Get everyone where they need to go, get everyone fed, get all the chores done, get this, get that. Life is unfulfilling.

I have nothing to look forward to except going back to campus, but after waiting so long for that it seems now an unattainable goal. I have five weeks left until I leave, but it seems like forever. I know that sounds melodramatic, but that's just how hopeless I feel right now. I just don't know how to make it through another week, let alone five. I've lost the ability to enjoy myself. I can't even sleep because I know I'll just be waking up to another miserable day here with nothing worthwhile to do and another four mind-numbing hours at work.

Sometimes if I have something to prepare the time flies by. But going back to school is just too far away.

I don't know how people hold down jobs like the one I have for years. It makes me so unhappy -- and this is the best part-time job I've ever had. I hope my work isn't always as uninspiring as this job. It's depressing to think of an entire life spent in this kind of drudgery.

I am depressed.